WIP: Tenth Update

I have just finished reading The Novel Writer’s Toolkit and Hooked. I have learnt quite a bit from both and have been able to draft out my opening sentence.

Edison’s limbs were frozen as he looked through the floating holograms of dead agents to meet the eyes of the man who would decide his fate.

This is quite different to the opening that I started with back in April. Have a look at the difference, my first line is quite weak.

“Ungh” Edison muttered; jumping up as scalding hot coffee soaked into his suit pants.

I feel that the new scene and line are much stronger and evoke  emotion, rather than my original line which brings up annoyance more than anything else. What are your thoughts, reactions and questions raised? Let me know!

Submeg

writing, my writing, WIP

Posted by:submeg

Musician, Writer and Inspirer. I discuss the projects I am working on, the services I provide and my general thoughts.

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